Cases for which atheism is insufficient
Anyone can point out the window and yell about the neighbours - the weirdo we face in the mirror is always the real challenge
I am, as I have noted repeatedly, an atheist - but my regular readers will have noticed, no doubt, that I am not of the cliche snarky sneering contemptuous variety. The way the whole thing presents to my mind is different from many, because I am not at all interested in the (almost universally hallucinatory) armour of self-definition - that rationalizing-language that we assemble around ourselves for comfort (amoral indulgence). I'm interested in substance. Not the sales-pitch, but the function!
Atheism solves certain problems very well, faith solves others which it can't touch. The sort of idealist I am (that is, principle more important than ego or advantage) I don't believe in raiding for treasure from across the lines, where we have not paid the entry price or shown the respect demanded. But I do find myself very tempted to seek a new more relevant frame for self-definition, and what tempts me is not to claim the bland, wishy-washy universally-reasonable 'I dunno' shrug of agnosticism, but to go a full 360 degrees opposed to that philosophy of ‘meh’ - and become instead, a heretic.
Many years ago, a smart friend said, "There is no doctrine under Leninism, to leave potential territory unconquered." To which I responded, "There is no doctrine under capitalism to leave potential profit untapped, no matter how many will be harmed in its extraction." We both had a point (though territorial expansionism is hardly a Leninist exclusive, but was rather long a staple of imperialism FIRST).
The point is, as soon as any system of thought (including modern Liberalism) aspires toward the status of all-encompassing doctrine, it begins to select and weight our perceptions, in order to add the feel of essential reality to this (experience-chosen and always at least partially arbitrary) anchor-thought, and help deny the violence deception and exploitation upon which its assertion of special virtue is actually based.
Part of my difficulty with religion is my own experience - watching those with 'faith' in the essential goodness of their (to be clear, absolutely demented) priesthood do immeasurable harm to total innocents - almost without dissent from the throng (indeed, those who did object to the harm, were themselves harshly persecuted).
I am also on the very far side of the obedience to authority index, by dint of those same hard knocks - even as a youngster I resented the idea people ought to be threatened or bribed to do good. What was the big problem with being nice because that was obviously fair and sensible, kind, friendly, and made the world (and your day) better, every single time? (Still looking for an explanation on that one, in case anyone has found one).
So - to be very clear, I have not ever seen atheism as a way to rationalize being more selfish, self-involved or self-justifying - very much the opposite. I see it instead as a way to be open to a far greater variety of models of human goodness and integrity, than most varieties of group-think, even very well-intentioned ones, easily offer.
Also, for reasons of odd internal construction, I tend to drive myself pretty hard without conventional incentives (that is, no clear key drivers, external to my own will). As a guy who was helped and even outright saved by many beautiful strangers when I was lost and in a bad way, I've always felt an absolute obligation to give back in warmth, patience, kindness and wisdom - to those forlorn, lost and closest to the edge, in particular. We don't have much, but we've always tried to share our metaphorical hearth, and provide an example of open warmth, and a marriage based on love, kindness, respect and fun, to remind those who did not come from such a love, that they can still have and build such a love for themselves (and thus, be forever happier).
I know my religious friends will recognize this spirit - but I must also point out I have myself received such extraordinary and sustaining principled gifts of kindness and care from a great many warm compassionate and caring atheists.
This is not my insufficient case.
In another essay I recently mentioned how hard it is for us to remember that things which seem obvious because of our experience, aren't necessarily even visible, to many other people whose life didn’t bring them face to face with the same clues.
I'm probably going to freak-out some of my atheist pals by saying something clearly here - the suffusing enabling and empowering love of the universe as a whole, identified variously in many religions, but here in the west most familiarly as the love of Christ, is one of those things which is increasingly self-evident to me as I age. Finding that underlying love frequency in everything adds a layer of meaning and depth to every waking hour we have, willfully ignoring it desaturates reality itself.
Seriously folks - the lumpiness of the big bang resulting in the state-separation of matter and energy - is itself, a distinct, non-trivial, and not at all inevitable kindness.
But despite full awe and gratitude, this is still not my insufficient case - for I can hold that all-suffusing love as a property of 'System: Universe' - Buckminster Fuller's most sympathetic formulation (from which we unquestionably do emerge, to which we owe our every action and inspiration, and into which we will all inevitably return).
This also, as a tip for my fellow rationalists, is a lovely entry point for enchantment and gratitude, without any sacrifice of essential structure of reason or rigour. (not poaching, nor a cheat, just extending perception - I swear!) ;o)
So what is my problem? It's simple and clear and it hurts like hell. I lost a friend a few years ago to suicide. Incredibly beautiful person, full of generous spirit, creativity, intelligence and love. I was supposed to save her. I failed.
Why am I so arrogant or foolish as to say it was my job? Because my childhood gave me special insight into the exact matters which most troubled her, and indeed, the moment we first met, I recognized a familiar maelstrom, which I had transcended only with incredible sustained infusions of love and support from my wife and friends.
I recognized EXACTLY where she was stuck self-torturing, how her most beautiful aspirations looped back to wound her spirit again and again, and I had made it to the far bank safely - which is still not nearly the same thing as knowing how to guide someone else there, but I did see that it was my clear duty to do my best.
I tried to give her some ideas about self-forgiveness in discussion, but was saddened to find she'd turned them around to find a way judge herself a failure on a whole new level, when next we met. Next I tried one of my gratitude essays on her - all about understanding your own life with a playful spirit of generosity and self-forgiveness.
She wrote me five pages of criticism and corrections, never heard the love I meant at all.
The last time I saw her she was far happier and lighter than she'd been in ages - and I did make a point of telling her how glad I was to see her smiling and glowing in such a beautiful way, without ever stepping back far enough to recognize the special levity imparted to those who have finally made their decision to surrender all further cares.
Why didn't I hug her? Invite her over? Tell her I loved her? Because every one of these would have been 'inappropriate'. A heretic would have done infinitely better - would have done anything, to make an essential human connection of caring and profound truth with her, no matter the cost! But there is simply no doctrine under atheism for emotionally forcing your way into another's 'personal space' - not even to save them from fatal heartbreak that no one else can see.
Nor is there any doctrine available to me, by which I can forgive myself.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Now let me here just say the thing that NO ONE EVER SAYS when you talk to them about suicide (again, the inhibitions of the doctrine of personal space and ego).
Please don’t. What feels inescapable, is not. What feels hopeless, will change again. People you can’t even think about right now, in your low state, want to help.
The poem below might help express it even more clearly. There is still love for you.
This poem is from my book “Night Song for Cigar-Box Banjo”
I wrote it for our dear vibrant enchanted and unique Kit - whose vivid presence none of us who were blessed and lucky enough to have known her, will ever stop missing.
Here’s a piece with some ideas about old traditions of warmth and welcome on the left
And here’s a sadder (but no less necessary) take on how many of our own best western civilizational aspirations have been (and are still being) twisted into evil
